W339 D2

I am going to start vlogging instead of blogging, but I'll instead add the embedded vlog here with a transcript. I am not sure how I'm going to do that, yet.

I'll give you an update of the last month and then I'll probably give some brief updates here since there are no page views. Or I'll put all of the pages and videos together embedded and then publish all of them at the same time. I'm not sure yet.

In any case --

30 days ago I started PSMF again and dropped several pounds (7 or so). Then switched to potato-centric -- idk what to name that -- and have dropped from 303.4 to 288.8 (14.6 pounds) in the last 15 days. I do not know if this trend will continue or not.

My current eating plan goes as follows:

• potatoes main entree still - I might substitute some steamed rice occasionally
• pepper as a spice only
• spinach as much as I want - I've opted for frozen as it's much cheaper for frozen than fresh and I can keep it longer. For now, it's fine. Later, I'll want to switch to fresh vegetables, but for now it'll be fine.
• multivitamin and B12

Otherwise, that's it. Quick bullet point blogs daily, weekly recaps, monthly recaps, etc.

That's all for now.

W336 D2

I wanted to wait until tomorrow or Wednesday when the actual event happened, but it's inevitable now so I'm going to post last week's progress.

First, the boring part - I've managed to stay between 307 and 317 since I hit the bottom of the weight drop on June 9th. 94 days.

I am 106 days from Memorial Day today. I've somehow managed not to go full-on frontal nudity and eat everything despite every stressor and failure in the last 94 days (that's a success). Last Monday I kicked back into Protein Satiating Modified Fast (PSMF) which is almost entirely protein, as much green leafy veggies I want and I eat however many potatoes I can eat still (which isn't that many). but I only eat really once a day and a smaller snack later. e.g. I'll make a bunch of eggs with potatoes and some bacon and can't finish it. So the 1/4c or 1c that I don't eat for lunch I'll eat at 5pm. and that's it. I drink 8oz or more of water every hour. Not really a new thing for me.

I finally broke 307 and am at 301.6 - I figure tomorrow or Wed I'll break 300 for the first time since august 2017.

W325 D3

I was asked by a friend of mine if you post on Tuesday why is it day 3 - Sunday is Day 1, not Monday.

This.is.day.30. I weigh 307.8 - Memorial Day (28May) I weighed 331.0 - All of this is diet only. I'll get into that in a few minutes.

First, even at almost 308 I feel better than in the 270s. No joint aches, no muscle aches, no migraines, no neck pain, no snoring, lots of other noes in the negative categories that I can't think of. I still have a little fluid build up in my legs. I am not taking the water pills just drinking more water. I do need to get more pills. In any case, lots of good stuff.

Time for some vitals before I get to diet changes. These measurements are listed as current and original one month ago.
neck: 15.5" - 16" = .5"
chest: 41.75" - 43" = 1.2"
waist: 47.25" - 51 = 3.75"
hips: 50.5" - 54.5" = 4"
thighs: 29.5" - 31" = 1.5"

I'll explain the hips one - you all know I've got the jLo. so that is the absolute roundest part of the weeble and the wobble - the apex of the donk on the a and b side coming around to the front. so it's not actually a hip measurement... it's the golden globes measurement. Death Star 1 & 2 circumferencies (not an actual word).

In one month - that's a lot of size. 23 pounds of size (also my arms have a little extra in them too that I never measured).

On to the diet:
I've never really eaten more than once a day since my professional career. It's just kind of the way it's turned out. However, I would snack a few times a day. Since the first two weeks of potatoes, I'm pretty much only hungry once a day. I will have some eggs (or egg white) with a small potato if I'm really really hungry for breakfast. And I'll drink a lot of water. I'm know I'm always a little more dehydrated in the morning. Everyone is.

I don't eat anything that is bread. no taco shells, no burrito flours, burger buns, etc. I have no oils. I don't add anything to my food that's not pepper either. So no salts, sugars, etc. I eat nothing that comes from fast food at all except on Sat night or Sunday since those are my planned times to eat fast food. They're not cheats. As Penn says, I plan to eat crap, that's when I plan to eat crap :) I'm surprised at how little crap I eat.

Mostly, I eat chicken, fish, I buy these bags of shrimp that are 7 bucks and one lasts 2 weeks. I put 4-8 tiny shrimp in with some chicken or fish. I cut up potatoes. I have two med yukon gold with some of these baby reds. I cut them into dice and cook them on the oven and always over pepper them - I need to remember to add less pepper. Then I mix them with some salsa. toss in the chicken, fish, and shrimp. Sometimes I throw in some onions and green peppers with the chicken, fish, and shrimp. and it's not a lot of meat either - it totals less than 3oz total.

Once a week I'll have some steak but I don't add anything to it either. If I have a burger it's on Sunday only. After eating chicken for a month, burgers tasted weird. I can't explain it, but they do.

I don't count anything (calories, sodium, carbs, etc). On Sat night and Sunday I eat or drink whatever I want. The rest of the week I have no desire to eat what I ate on Sat night and Sunday.

Now, could I run very far? or could I lift a bunch of stuff for very long? no. And if you need to, you'd probably have to adjust this a bit. Mentally, am I unfocused? not at all - and all I do is use my brain and type. I'd probably have to add more carbs like corn and beans (green or lentils or something) to my food if I had to stand longer periods of time. But I stood printing t-shirts for 4 hours and didn't have any issues and it was hot so idk.

Right now, having leveled off, I'm losing about a pound a day.

W324 D4

It's been a few days.

Sunday, Father's Day, I ate horribly - and that was my actual 21st day - I got cashew chicken sat night because you never know around here with chinese places - some sunday holidays they're like hell yes we're open and other's they're like "Fu King Hol Day - Closed" I ate half of an ice cream cake - I didn't feel guilty and it was ok... not great... but I didn't think I'd finish it lol. It's not actually a cheat day when it's worked in. it was a planned eat crap day. I had a big roast beef no bun and I can't remember anything else... some chicken I think. Maybe I didn't eat anything else. Idk.

Monday and yesterday I went back to eating mostly meats and veggies and a couple of potatoes.

Today - all potatoes again. I now have three kinds of potatoes. I'm eating some big sunzas, some yukon golds, and some tiny reds. I cut them up cook them in a pan and add some pepper. No meats today. I'll ramp the water back up and probably stick with mainly potatoes for the next two weeks.

My weight is at 313 with the water - without it's about 307-308 so I'm losing about a pound a day. My waist is 47.5-48 which is down from the 51 I started at (granted some is most likely water, but smaller is smaller:)) - my butt is way small. my cargo shorts from Disney would barely fit and now I can turn my fist sideways in the waistband. My pants fit and I can sit down without feeling like I'm being cut in half. I've still got the water retention problem in my lower legs, but I don't take the water pills daily because I literally have to pee 12 ounces every half hour.

I did find out cheese is very bad lol. I ate some string cheese and snored all night Saturday and Sunday... so no more cheese (which is my favorite fruit.

Otherwise, I've been working a lot, not working out still, just working. I'm hauling stuff around and walking a lot to get things done around the house. Hauling tshirts everywhere for orders (since the printer is downstairs I'm hauling heavy boxes of shirts downstairs, printing, then packing, and hauling them back upstairs. So that's kind of a workout.

Otherwise, I feel exceptional - which I have to say even at 313 I feel waaaayyyy better than I ever did even at 270.

Slowly but surely.

W323 D4

I've balanced out at 311-315 for a little bit. I'm hovering for the moment. I'm alright with that for yesterday but not today. If I didn't feel well still I wouldn't be alright with it yesterday.

I have a lot of physical work to do today. I also know that with this past weekends dehydration I'm storing more water still. So, once I've hit a certain point and drop that water my weight will go down. That's not fat. That's not what I want. However, my waist is still getting smaller. So, I'm perfectly alright with my weight maintaining as long as I am getting smaller. My waist is 47.75" so down another 1/4" from the original 51" which is pretty great considering it's been 2 1/2 weeks.

In any case, lots of work today. Hot weather outside. Hot work inside. Potatoes for eating. Lots of water.

W323 D2

Still doing well. I thought I'd fall off the wagon, but I haven't. I attended a BBQ and they had many foods that weren't covered in sauces and stuff I couldn't eat (like smoked chicken but not covered in BBQ sauce. boiled potatoes though those had a lot of cajun spices with the crawdads. whew hot.

In any case, I ate normal (meaning, nothing procesed) the last two days (day 14 and 15). I wasn't supposed to, but whatever. I figured I'd be ok.

As expected, I gained a little weight - like 2 pounds, so no big deal. I'm also still a little dehydrated from the ride... I mean it was forkin hot. I hadn't expected to ride so I didn't hydrate before and during the ride I forgot my cupholder so I had to wait for stops. Normally when I ride I stay a little dehydrated so I don't have to stop often... so I'm extra post-ride dehydrated today.

I expect over the next few days I'll drop the weight (water weight and all).

I feel really good. Still no snoring. So nearly 2 weeks of no snoring. Even my allergies are like sooo much better - my regular meds are working very well as they should have been. I've only sneezed like twice in the last two weeks where I would've normally been sneezing a lot - and that's with what TWC says has been high pollen counts.

My waist is still getting smaller. My chest is still getting smaller. My digestion is doing quite well. Like I've not had to sprint for a bathroom in 2 weeks... and I've eaten cheese... I've had dairy problems for 20+ years.

My food is mostly potatoes now. I am not hungry most of the time. I drink a lot of water. a lot of the day I'm refilling water and drinking 12oz water. it's just something my body is wanting. When I eat most of the time it's one or two medium-sized setups. 2-4 medium potatoes made how I want them with whatever chicken, fish, or shrimp I want (and I don't want much). I add some romaine lettuce and some eggwhites most of the time and that's about it. Usually, I eat one of these about 5-7pm. if I'm hungry before then I'll eat a small or medium potato raw. If I'm hungry after I'll have a small potato.

I need to add a little more in the way of greenery and I've not read up on that yet - but that's the goal this week.

I am weak of course because I'm not working out. I am doing work but not lifting weights or riding my bike, but I am working in the heat and lifting screens walking up and down a lot of stairs, printing shirts. I'm still doing a lot of work, but I'm not working out. So when I say weak, I mean I couldn't do like 20 pushups or lift a heavy box and carry it for too far.

W322 D7

This is Day 14 of the potato diet. I have to confess the last two days I've not eaten entirely potatoes. I did have some shrimp and eggwhites. I'm going to stick with this for a while. I'm going to modify it a little I think. I'm going to stay with how I've been doing it but go more towards a PSMF diet.  Then maybe in a few weeks go back to a full potato diet.

All-in-all, I've been very happy with the results. I've not felt like I was lacking anything. I've not felt like I shouldn't have been doing this. I'm happy keeping potatoes as the root (no pun intended) veggie and adding other veggies in.

W322 D5

From yesterday

I’ve changed up my eating - I didn’t believe people when they say after a week and a half of potatoes you won’t be hungry... you’re not. I wasn’t eating. Wasn’t hungry. And was doing heavy moves though. I was working out by lifting stuff and working on printing and the like so while not actual workout still breaking rules of the no workout so I added some lean meat only to my food. I am in full ketosis as measured - I was surprised. I have some chicken breast and egg white and potatoes - the protein is mostly for added flavor and ketosis filler I guess - I added some pepper and two medium potatoes - and I bought some frozen shrimp a while ago so I threw a few of those in - not really a lot of meat - 2-3 pcs of chicken cubes 2-3 shrimp and 1/4 c of egg whites with 2 medium potatoes that I cooked individually in a skillet

My waist is down another 1/2” and you can see my belly sagging down as the fat is falling off. I’m down about 311 now so that’s 20 since last Monday. I feel really really good. I’ve not had anything processed like no extra sugars salts nothing in this time - my pants fit better even though they were tighter when I was 270 lol. My swelling in my legs has almost stopped which means the fluid in my lungs has stopped. I still don’t have cravings per se though today I could’ve ravaged a plate of freshly heated Brie

Idk what day this is... Monday is 8? So 10? Day 10 and 20 pounds down drinking water though I just found out black coffee unsweetened green or iced or hot tea would’ve been ok - unsweetened tea is of the devil and coffee without anything is for other people lol

I woke up this morning and taped myself.

my neck is 15.5 - so 1/2" smaller than it was
my bellybutton is 48" now down from 51"
my chest is 42.5" down from 43.5"
my butt is  52" down from 54"
my thighs are 30.5" down from 31"

so you can see some fat loss is happening. I'm quite happy with it. 20 pounds in 10 days. Inches off in 10 days. I'm happy with those results. While I didn't maintain a strict potato diet I haven't strayed and I like where this is going.

I'll tell you what I love about all of this, so far. I'm not counting anything. I know what I'm eating. I'm eating a base of as many potatoes as I can handle - which gets fewer and fewer as the days go by - meaning I just don't want to eat much. If I want to add to that then right now I add some egg white and shrimp. I shouldn't but for dessert, I add some string cheese, which I shouldn't. I have some pre-grilled and spiced chicken. That used to be mildly spicy to me... it's now forking spicy. I'm avoiding any meats with added anything. Shrimp they're just cooked, nothing added... shrimp and water. the string cheese... they have salt.. I shouldn't eat dairy so I'm gonna just not. egg whites, all good there. Now, I don't know how long I'll do this potato-keto mix thing for. it's working for me. I'm not sure what I should do at this point. Should I add greens to it? I think so. Maybe add a salad of greens (romaine & kale) and some other vegetables. Idk I've got a few days to figure it out.

W322 D2

I don't mind potatoes. I've been eating them like apples for the last week+. I've had three issues where my stomach has hurt so bad I've eaten some extras like a little chicken breast or some shrimp - nothing more just those. Now - I could stay in this place eating just potatoes and adding some chicken or shrimp for a long long time - really. Maybe adding some cheese once a week or something. I'm actually ok here and never thought I'd say that. I hit a minor plateau overnight. I didn't drop as many pounds as I thought - weird because I worked a lot yesterday and thought there'd be a pound or two but stayed right around yesterday's number. Still though not unhappy with the results. My belly is falling which means I'm dropping fat from somewhere even if my weight isn't going. I haven't even had a sugar craving this entire time. Normally, I'm like all up in the cravings. Right now, I can't wait to get to the phase where I can eat potatoes and chili with some cheese and maybe meat (chicken, fish, maybe hamburger) but mostly beans, potatoes, and spices. I have no idea why.

I read some blogs on the post-14 days. One guy boasts a 2-pound salad daily with his own dressing. It sounds really good right now... however, I'm wondering how much that costs a day. Would it be cheaper to just not eat? Idk.

I did, however, find something interesting in one of the blogs I was reading. I've mentioned here that I've had these cycles that I always found interesting. 3 months of intense pushing then around the 3-month mark my body would rebel and I would sabotage the crap out of it for 3 months then go back into a cycle. One of the blogs mentioned that Ray Cronise says if you try to do a diet more than 12 weeks your brain will rebel because it's not supposed to. It will actively try to sabotage you. I don't know if my experiences back up his theory or not; I believe they do. Now that that is something someone else has said and I don't sound crazy to myself I need to capitalize on that. At the end of 12 weeks, I'm done with this plan. So, my weight loss goal is over and my eating plan will be whatever I've set for it. I am not vegan and I won't be vegan. I will not probably eat much in the way of red meat, but who knows. I might go full Jillette and not ever eat meat again idk. Right now, that doesn't even seem like a possibility. I mean, the shrimp I had last night without any spices at all were the best shrimp I've ever eaten in my life. I had some potatoes sliced not cooked and some cooked shrimp it may have been the best thing I've ever eaten... for the last week for sure. Seriously though, the shrimp tasted amazing - and I checked... ingredients were just shrimp nothing else.

I cooked some potatoes this morning. A lot of potatoes - like 6 medium sliced. I wanted to add some chicken or shrimp or even some hamburger with some cheese. spoon some chili beans over them. Now I'm having cravings lol

I feel really good though. I'm restless - which is a good thing. It means I need to get a little excess out during the day so my body doesn't have it pent up at bedtime. Im not supposed to workout... but I'm thinking a short bike trip would be ok - something lite maybe stationary bike - we'll see

W322 D1

(Day 7) - 17 pounds down... I'm happy with that. I've lost an inch off my chest and 1.5 off my waist. I have eaten other than potatoes... twice I've had hunger so bad because I've forgotten to eat so I've had some chicken breast.

I feel pretty good. I walked without getting winded. I am able to touch my toes again and put on socks. The biggest thing (no pun intended) is that I feel lighter - not much weight, but it is apparently enough to make me feel enough of a difference. Shirts fit a bit better. pants fit just a bit better. like I said movement, walking, breathing. I'm sure open airway helps. I've not snored in several days now so that's huge. I am waking up early - I go to bed at like midnight or fall asleep then and wake up at 6 or 630 then have to fall back asleep til 8... I'm rested when I get up - not like before where I wasn't.

I need to read what I'm supposed to do in a week - I'm ok with this for now - I don't even dislike this at all. I could go eat a taco or big mac and come back and eat a potato and be fine... however, I know that I would break the ketosis I'm in and I don't. That's a difference from other regimens I've worked before... I've always gotten to a point where I've broken and eaten a bunch of crap - sat down like an addict and eaten 64 donut holes and looked like michael bolton in the lonely island captain jack sparrow video. Maybe it's a mentality thing... I can do this... I don't know. The point is I've said "yeah I'd like some nachos bell grande. I'm not going to eat them because skinny me will eat them. current me will wait. current me has enjoyed those things for many years it'll be ok."

I'm excited for tomorrow.

W321 D6

Technically, it's D7, it's the last day of the week... but idc.

Yesterday, I was dying - not literally. I didn't eat and then couldn't take it when my stomach told me I was going to die... and so I ate some shredded chicken... just a bit. Then back to potatoes.

I was out of town so I didn't get a good weigh-in I'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'm in some other world right now mentally. Physically, my body is very weak. I can move a lot, but not do too much. If I do much then my body is like "yeah, this is what normal feels like, you got this." then after it's like "you're a lunatic. what were you thinking ahole? penn said that ray said don't do anything. it's winter. slumber. time to rest." the problem is that I'm a fidgeter. I'll sit for hours and tell people I don't move. In reality, I don't know that I move. During the day though, I can sit still for hours... also not know that I've moved hundreds of times to get something or go pick up something or straighten something, go downstairs to look at something, whatever it is.

I will tell you this though. I walked to the edge of my lawn. That sounds completely fking stupid. but I walked to the edge of my lawn and nearly cried 15 pounds down and wasn't fking out of breath and didn't feel like I wanted to die. only 15 pounds down. that's amazing on its own.

My head is a bit light headed and weird. I don't know why though. lack of fat? I'm not sure. I do get phases where I'm hungry and not. I just eat a few more potatoes and then stop or drink water. I am tired and then not.  it's such a... there's a big word that goes here that means opposites lol... but I can't think of it... uh dichotomy that's it I think.

I don't really crave anything so that's super nice. I do, however, want to smother the potatoes with chicken sometimes... but like the chicken belongs on it, not like a craving, but like I get up to get potatoes and the chicken should be there kind of thing.

Well, off til tomorrow.

W321 D4

Day 4 Potatoes - weight 318.6 (started 331)

Well... I wasn't sure what to expect... and for me, that's a big deal. Change sucks and making a change is worse. I don't like it at all. 

The basic plan for me

I drink 12-16 ounces of cold water an hour - so I get up and fill my glass and then drink it when I have to pee.

When I'm hungry - I wash and thinly slice some potatoes (4small or whatever I think is a good amount) and eat til I'm done...whatever that may be.

I do my basic walking and moving around the house and up and down the stairs etc

The good parts:

I've gone from 51-inch waist to 49.5. My migraines are still present, but not as rampant as they were. I still wear sunglasses to work on my computer (even with medication, screen exposure, brightness, color, etc) but I can take them off and not be like a vampire in daylight. I don't have a constant runny nose. I have what I'd expect from taking an allergy medication - minor annoyance from my URI every once in a while, but mostly clear passages. I haven't snored in 2 days. I have chronically snored for 16 years. So bad the kids have said that they can hear me in their rooms across the house... no snoring at all. I don't have the excess phlegm after eating - I'd eat and cough a lot. I have some sort of carbohydrate intolerance/SIBO something. none of that. My body doesn't feel like it has the flu all of the time. I have a bit more energy. I sleep well. I haven't had any cravings yet. I had a minor one yesterday where I wanted part of a hamburger... but when I ate the potato it was like having hamburger helper just the potatoes so it went away pretty quick.

The bad parts:

there aren't many, but there are a few. My brain can be awake and tired - sluggish. It's not used to not having any caffeine at all. There was a year and a half where it didn't have Coke but did have tea. So it takes a little bit for it to get over the hump of being tired in the morning... once it does then it's good. I'm told that over time this will pick up and be much faster to overcome.

For the first time in decades, I've thought about wearing nice clothes again and giving a shit about how I dress. I don't care about how I look. Not because I'm fat, but because I don't. I dress for me. However, it makes it more difficult when you buy something and then get fatter and those clothes don't fit... so I'm looking forward to fitting into clothes again.

I also have energy that I didn't think I'd have. Bring on the next weeks.

W321

As for things I've done - I could go out on a limb and say I've done a lot of the crazy things out there. I know one inevitable truth. Fatness will kill me if I don't make a change.

This weekend sucked ass. Like royally.

If you've been following this blog... and idk why you would have unless you're a russian spambot or russian twitter troll but let's say a real person has been reading this blog then you know about the ups and downs of my weight - that's the whole purpose of the blog.

Three weeks ago, I started having some fluid build up in my feet and ankles. I wasn't worried, just elevated them... but no change. Went on vacation and no change despite walking. Came back, no change. Then last Thursday a cough. Friday cough worsened and when I laid down fluid. I figured with the phlegm and productive cough probably a URI with excessive fluid buildup... no bigs. I went to urgent care saturday because friday night i was awake all night coughing. Urgent Care... well, I waited forever for them to say "go to the ER we think you have CHF" I don't have CHF. in march I was cleared of CHF. I have excessive fluid, my heart is fine. "go to the ER we'll call them"

I go to the ER... they didn't care that someone called. I waited with everyone else. I wasn't a fucking rush, I could've waited at my doctor's office or a goddamned taco bell. take a number, we'll page a table vibrator thing when we're ready for you.  So, I wanted some help for a URI to quit fucking coughing, and I was in the ER because some fucknut wouldn't listen and thought my heart was dying even though I fucking knew better. 9:30am to 4:30pm - the doctor said the same fucking thing I did. he prescribed Lasix for the water then sent me on my way (after the blood work, an xray, and exam of course).

At this time... I'm tired of being fat... again. More than normal. I've been fat for a while. I was done at 270, but apparently not done enough. Getting out of the hospital in april 2017 wasn't done enough. I gained 50 pounds in a few weeks and my diet was fucking perfect. I don't know how that fucking happens but fuckoff world. Eat right, workout right, gain 50 fucking pounds... fuck you. Eat like shit, don't workout, and don't gain weight... that's how the year since has been.

But I'm tired of being 331 pounds. I get winded walking up stairs. I get winded changing my underwear. On vacation I walked 5 miles a day. I liked it. I had to stop every 1/4 mile or less because my lower back hurt or my feet or legs hurt. I'm too heavy to be walking. I'm too heavy to be sitting - my legs are filling with fluid because I sit all day. I'm just too heavy. I can't ride my motorcycle for too long because it compresses my lower spine causing the most painful experience when I stand up and then rides after that are the worst. So last week after we got home I decided I was going to lose weight.

At the ER I'd been reading Presto! if potatoes worked for Penn then why not... Fat is going to kill me one day - I might as well get rid of the last 15 years and do it now. I'm going to die by fat or I'm going to die some other way. I'd rather die trying than not wake up. And right now my heart appears to be healthy enough to try something so ... fuck it I'm a CroNut.

Just potatoes, and water for 14 days

W143 or W314 D1

So how does this go?

Myfitnesspal I've logged in over a year consistently - 372 days to be exact. I really have logged in over 2 years, but I logged food one day and somehow missed opening the app, which I don't think I did, it says I missed a login... soooo it says 372 days.

I started this blog in 2012. I have restarted counts a few times... the last one stopped in December 2016 at week 75 when I started getting sick and I've not logged in at all since I've been sick.

So, again, how does this go? Am I on Week 1 again? Week 143 continuing from the last time? or Week 314 starting from 6 years ago at 2012?

I think, in the past, I've restarted weeks just to track where I began in this cycle or to give me motivation - I'm not entirely sure. However, we're going to start with a recap of what I do know and go from there. I have virtually 6 years of tracking data here and in MFP to figure out what I've been doing plus 10 years before that of workout and food logs... I know I'm missing something. If I can work for a year with doctors to figure out what's going on with my body then FFS I can surely figure out how to "stay on target" and deflate this Death Star.

Let's start with the most recent year+ in recap:
December 2016 - I started a PSMF - a protein modified fast - consisting of mostly water, protein, and as many veggies as I wanted as long as they fit a certain category (not sugary, starchy, etc). And that seemed to be ok. I hadn't had a Coke in more than a year and was quite proud of that. I was slipping into iced tea though
Mid-to-late-Jan-2017 - I started getting sick to my stomach - I kept going with the PSMF and felt great except my stomach. I was crampy, but it didn't feel like food related, it was different. Like an ulcer, but not as bad. I wasn't perfect on the PSMF and wasn't losing weight - was just kind of hovering like always. My brain wasn't keeping up though. I'd quit coke more than a year earlier but was drinking iced tea a lot to replace the Coke... so not much better now. My mental status was declining rapidly. I was not able to think clearly. My brain was in a severe fog and I ended up eating "normal" but that didn't help at all. What should've been helping my brain in either way (PSMF or normal) wasn't and I was starting to get stressed about work.
February 21 - my mental status had declined to the point that I could work, but I woke up and didn't know who I was. I was aware enough to grab essentials and even grab my medical records and put them in a backpack. I drove to the hospital urgent care and checked in. I wasn't even aware enough to look on my drivers license to think of my name. Yet I filled out the forms. I'll tell you it was the weirdest moment in my life. I wrote everything down in a notepad so I could remember what I was told. Today, I can remember the entire day in great detail. That day, I couldn't remember from one moment to the next what had just happened. They ran every test they could think of. full body xrays, brain ct, drug tests, blood tests, and they ruled out a bunch of stuff. When I was lucid enough to tell them the information they let me go home. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for the next day
February 22 - Dr appointment with FNP - started Vitamin D - upped prozac dose - prozac was only for anxiety and repetitive thoughts not depression, but she thought i was depressed based on the mini questionaire. She noticed on exam that I might have carpal tunnel and referred me to a neurologist for a EMG to test nerve function.

The next dates are going to be a little sketchy as I don't remember exactly and will come back after I look them up.

The next week I went for an EMG. While the neurologist was examining me he noticed a weird exam presentation of radiating pain in my left arm from my neck and thought I needed an MRI. We conducted the EMG and I have mild carpal tunnel both hands. I think the right one was worse.

I went back to my doctors office and had an xray of my neck and it showed weirdness so I was scheduled for an mri. Had an mri and went back to the neurologist.

Neurologist said I had Cervical Radiculopathy in my neck C3-C7 that was causing the arm pain and numbness and tingling.  All these years I thought I had "programmers neck" from sitting in the same position staring at my screen - I also had some issues with the nerves getting pinched in weird ways. So he recommended some decompression devices and physical therapy. I started gabapentin 100 to 200 mg for pain... that helped a lot

I went to physical therapy for a month and it helped.

my stomach pain didn't go away - my neck didn't hurt all of the time - Ii took gabapentin as directed and things were getting better. my memory was still not good at all. I was functioning at work and doing well. I still had to write everything down or I would forget completely.

Somewhere in here things get a little fuzzy and may be out of order slightly

I went to Urgent Care because the stomach pain had gotten so bad that I couldn't take it. Urgent Care Nixa told me that it was because of the antibiotics and took me off them. I went home... didn't get better. went to the doctor the next day because it didn't get better... also saw neurologist. doctor said cdiff... didn't get better and was getting worse and worse. Went to ER that night because I couldn't take it. the pain was a 20 out of 10 and I was ready to cut it out.

I had duodenitis. Endoscopy showed no ulcer. I had a bacterial infection that caused my duodenum to get infected and swell and that was the cause of the pain. I was in the hospital for four days mostly drugged on Morphine. It was really a good time despite not getting anything done... morphine makes a good friend... a good short term friend - long term I can see how people get hooked.

After the hospital i went for my follow up with my doctor and was referred to MU for neurology because they're near the Columbia VA which I'm told is one of the top hospitals for TBI work.

I was still eating quite well... but I gained 50 pounds after leaving the hospital in 6 weeks... why? stress? I wasn't eating more. I wasn't eating candy, carbs, etc. I was eating normal food. what the hell? So not only did I leave the hospital at 275ish but now I was over 315 pounds and I didn't do anything different.

I would see my neurologist a resident at the Neuro Clinic - and we would start a treatment plan through the year.

My memory was still crap. I was getting by with lots of notepads but not great. I was forgetting more than remembering. My neck was still hurting a lot. I'd have to stop at the end of the day and go into the dark and quiet now - earplugs and eyemask.  Eventually, I'd get to where I'd take naps 2x a day for a couple hours to rest my eyes and brain so they wouldn't hurt. I was working longer because of those naps. But somehow managing things.

We'd do an EEG - negative for seizures.

Neuropsych testing - they said I was normal intelligence -- they were wrong, i'm a genius - I was clearly having an off day.  I mean they asked me who wrote Hamlet and I thought they said Hamilton and I had no idea... Shakespeare wrote Hamlet - who cares who wrote Hamilton? In any case, they noted there may be some deficit in my right frontal lobe that may need some testing or MRI imaging. My neural imaging from 2007 was negative for TBI from Iraq... so maybe 2009 car accident?

I was so angry at neuropsych testing I started drinking coke and eating sugary stuff because fuck that! I gained 50 pounds! I didn't know about the results yet, but I was pissed that I'd gained weight and hadn't changed anything.

I kept drinking coke, eating normal foods (meat, veggies, and an occasional donut - i mean one or two every couple weeks) - and nothing changed - weight = same. I also added caffeine tablets twice a day and a nicotine patch - hadn't smoked in 10 years but my memory was fine when I smoked and drank coke... so why not?

The next steps I saw my resident neurologist again and he called in his attending. The attending asked me a few questions about my neck, the sleep, the headaches, and the work... then suggested topamax for migraines. I started topamax for migraines. They also wanted me to get a sleep study performed. my memory issues could also be related to lack of sleep and oxygenation thereof... you know, b/c I've been fat. they didn't say that, but i am. They were also going to talk with a TBI doc at the VA.

I had an appointment - PA thought could be apneic - sleep study from 2002 said was not apneic which is why I had a rhinoplasty and turbinate reduction in 2005 after Iraq... but he also said there's a chance that I might be type 2 narcoleptic so I'd get an mslt as well to test daytime sleepiness.

The pain for my headaches went away. No neck pain, no headaches for the first time in more than 10 years. I hadn't noticed the pain because it was always there - now it was gone... so I noticed that it wasn't there. My memory was still bad, but not as bad as it was before july so I could do my job and remember basic stuff.

Finally some answers. I scheduled an appointment for a psychologist just in case some memory issues were psychosomatic (another suggestion of the neurologist).

I had discovered some items about me that people said were normal but Aspergers-like. As I read book after book about love lives and Aspergers they were all idential to my two marriages. I read more... all identical to my life - i mean minor changes, but pretty much my life. At this point, I'm fair sure I am Aspergers (High Functioning Autistc - or Autistic Level 1). Talking with several psychologists they concurred unofficially.

I had an appointment with the anxiety specialist psychologist. I was given homework to write down life history items best and worst things... I didn't know them. I mean everything before 1993 was gone or minor items here and there, before 1995 except for military stuff was a blur if I remembered at all. He doesn't deal with Aspergers at all so I have to find someone for that.

I sat down to write down the couple of traumatic items in my life: car accidents, beat up in a public restroom... then I remembered all of my childhood... in great detail, not just a little detail, but details others wouldn't remember.  My memory was back. A further appointment I would be told by my neurologist that my brain may have been actively suppressing pain and didn't have time for memories. Now it didn't need to do that work. It was a great flood of memories and they still come flooding in. My brain is also much faster than it was and it was already fast.

For an upcoming sleep study they removed me from my SSRI.

I went to NC to give a presentation and had some swelling in my legs, jaw tightness, chest and shoulder pain and decided to go to the hospital where I was hospitalized. I thought CHF or Mild MI - they did too. turns out my heart was 100% ok, my arteries were perfect - no concerns. my leg swelling was because I'm fat and the edema is because i'm too fat for my heart to pump efficiently... they didn't say it like that, but i mean come on let's be real. I'm now 330 and a year ago I was 270. Since I've been eating and drinking whatever I want I've gained 10 pounds?! that doesn't seem right to me... when I did what I was supposed to I gained 50 in 6 weeks.... come on something is happening. In any case, the chest and shoulder pain were from seatbelt and driving with left arm for 9 hours. edema was from seated position 9 hours and being fat. jaw tightness could be from sleep but also nerves.

While in NC I had the opportunity to talk with three other Aspergers - it was like sitting in a place with three other me. it was fantastic. three people that understood what I said and I understood what they said. they acted like I did. they all studied the same things I did to fit in to society because they didn't understand. they were diagnosed at a young age while I had not been. They were in their 20s while when i was young there wasn't a diagnosis. My mom socialized me and taught me etiquette so I'd know how to behave in public and not say things like "what's wrong with that fat lady?"

Things were coming together.

Sleep study - I was apneic. My mslt was cancelled in favor of another test coming up to fit for mask and see if that helped.

In the meantime, I've been sleeping on the couch in a semi-reclined position - when in the hospital in NC I slept in a semi-upright-reclined position and didn't snore so I've been trying it out... less sleep, more rested, no snoring and much much much more energy and better memory and brain function it's like I feel much much more normal than ever before.

So -- now we're up-to-date

Now what?

Well, I know I have one more appointment for a CPAP and some other minor stuff related to psychologists and Aspie stuff. What I want to focus on is losing weight - shape is ok... but weight is more important at this point... I'll call it functional weight loss.

The idea is that I will lose weight, but balance it, as it should be, with functional exercises - not lifting and running, but biking, walking, etc. In just over a month I'll be going to Disney with the family and I want to have some exercise to be able to walk around there with the family. I know in BCT we were able to go long distances in a very short amount of time. I think it can be done and we had 8 weeks to get to a goal weight and 2 miles in a specific run time. I think that's possible - I'm not going to run 2 miles.

Today is the first day of that plan. My goal is to eat how I normally do. I've got a day filled with exercises that will happen off and on during the workday. I will be maximizing my days from now until the trip cardiovascularly. So even if I don't lose weight, I'll have the cardio to be able to walk distances.

So how will I track my progress? Well, on the 26/27 of March I was able to go 6 mins at 156 bpm heart rate WITH nitro and no propranolol - i'm on propranolol and the nitro is not in my system which it dropped my pressure quite a bit more - so I'm thinking I can do something similar... judge distance and time achieved by rate. how far can i go at what rate and for how long - since I'll be working out on my bike it's already at the highest setting for resistance so now it's just a matter of getting my rate up - i have an SpO2 monitor for that - then I can measure time - so get the rate up, and go... then stay on for a duration even if the pulse drops down.  When I was running 5 min miles 15 years ago I would do sprints, same thing applies. I know HOW to do this - the question is in my shape can i do it and I believe that I can.

Day 1 begins now.