W10D2 - BABC

I made it below 280 (279.4 to be exact) for the first time since July 26th...which is when i started hitting the Dr Pepper pretty hard.

Sometime in May is when I started eating foods that I shouldn't have - so I went from 264ish to 279 from May1st or so to July 20th and then stayed there for a week before shooting up to 285 and eventually topped out a couple of weeks ago at 290.  The heaviest I've ever been was 297.4 February 16, 2014

Here's what I've done the last week or so.  I've quit almost all processed foods.  I haven't had a soda since last Wednesday.  I had the two Powerades this weekend and the hamburger buns.  Outside of that, I haven't had anything processed (read: fast food).  I've also cut my intake down to 1200 cal a day or so - I don't fret if it's 1500 or 1700 I just do my best to stick to 1200ish.  One other change I've made is that I attempt to get about 100g of protein a day.  I have a lot of almonds, peanuts, and cashews around - I also eat hamburger patties, chicken, tuna, and sometimes I have a vegan protein shake (I bought a bunch in bulk months ago real cheap).  I also take a fiber supplement from Arbonne to make sure I don't have digestive issues (due to anxiety not diet - which is going away).

I have not gotten into exercising, yet.  Somehow I've convinced myself that it hurts a lot when I workout.  I don't know what that's about - sounds like I need to adjust my self-hypnosis script.

It's weird how I feel great today at 279 when I didn't feel great a few days ago at 284+ - these imaginary goals we set that make us feel better.

All of that said it's been 10 weeks since I started this current struggle (it's been 3+ years since I've been blogging my journey) - and it's been 5 weeks since I've worked out more than once a week.  I've made excuses like my car getting rear ended made it so I can't go to OTC and ride my bike (yet there's a perfectly good set of pavement in front of my house - somehow that's embarrassing though) and I no longer have the 1 hour phone calls so I don't ride my stationary bike daily.  Idk what's going on with the TRX workouts.  I love them; something is going on in my brain that it takes too long to workout or something.  I'm not sure what the hell there.  I need to evaluate that too.  I think it's that goals seem unattainable when you're not moving in the right direction.  When the scale and calipers are going in the wrong direction but you're working out and can do 30 minutes of a workout the only thing you remember is that you are bigger not that you accomplished something that you couldn't do a month or even a week ago.  idk.  Anyone else have insight on this effect?  In any case, I feel better after jumping below 280 and feel like I should just focus on staying healthy through foods right now and a desire for a workout routine will come back soon.  I'm impatient which is ironic considering that I said i've been blogging about this for over 3 years.

W10D0 - BABC

This week was pretty good.  Not great for working out (I managed one solitary stationary bike ride).  However, for food, it was very good.

I decided to alter my self-hypnosis session.  I kept telling myself "I want to workout" or "I want to eat better" instead of "I will workout daily" and "I do not drink soda"

All of that resulted in four days no soda and I've been eating almost 100% correctly.  I had 2 powerades - I didn't think they had HFCS in them until I read the label :( - I also had some hamburger buns.  Not my best, but very good stuff.

The results are down to 281ish... so I'm back down from 290 about 1.5 weeks ago.

I'm starting a different daily routine this week.  I'm going to have to get up to work at 5 or so, so I'll be done with work by early afternoon.  I will then go workout after work as I'll have 2.5 hours after work before kids get home so I can go to OTC and ride my bike or walk.  I'm looking forward to this next week.

W9D0 - BABC

This last week has been a bit crazy.  I think I got in one bike ride and that may be about it.  The conference calls I'm on only last 7-15 minutes and I don't even have long enough to figuratively catch my breath before it's my turn to give my standup and then catch my breath again and the call is done.  That's nice, it also means I need to work in my workout in other ways.

This week is going to be focusing on getting in the exercise.  I'm not going to rush it, not gonna push it.  I'm going to just do it.  The last two weeks have sucked b/c I wanted to ride out at the track, but my car was dinged pretty good so I can't haul bikes until after it's fixed this week.  So, I need to either ride stationary or do some walking.  I'd like to get in 5 miles of bike riding a day or 3-5 miles of walking a day.  I want to limit the time to < 60 minutes - however, I'm aware that for 5 miles biking I may have to go up to 80 minutes at first.  We'll have to see.  The trail I ride is half uphill and half downhill and the uphill part kicks my butt every time.

I have changed my measurements tracking to be a gdoc spreadsheet - I got tired of copying and pasting the html and adding a new column - which all seemed like a waste of time to do when I could just put it in a spreadsheet and bam! instant awesome.

W8D0 - BABC

Well, what can I say?  Last week was horrific.  One blog entry and that was on Sunday - then nothing else.  Some measurements are the same, some are bigger.  It's been horrible.  I feel the backslide. This is all part of the therapy process - my brain is resisting change... it'll happen this week.

Last week, I saw a Hypnotist for some issues.  I've helped others with hypnosis and now was the time to do so for myself.  It worked wonders.  I had intense anxiety about some different events over the weekend - I was able to reduce that anxiety to almost nothing and by the time I had finished with my anchors the anxiety was completely gone.

This week, I'm working on those issues that arose b/c I was focused on one set of issues last week and seem to have dropped the other issues I also needed help with but didn't deal with.

	27Jul15	17Aug15	23Aug15	6Sep15	14Sep15
weight	285	282	283	285	287
neck	16.25	16.25	16.5	16.25	16.25
chest	42.75	42	43	42	43
navel	50.75/49.25	47.5	47.5	47	47.75
waist
hips	51.5	51.75	51.5	51.5	51.5
thigh	29.75	28.75	29.25	29	29.5
caliper chest	38	38	38	40	42
caliper abs	44	42	42	38	44
caliper thigh	40	36	38	38	42

W7D0 - BABC

I did ok last week.  Not great; just ok.

I looked at the heading for this series I've started.  7 weeks!  And nothing to show for it.  SEVEN WEEKS and nothing to show for it - not a pound lighter, not an inch smaller (I don't think - also reminds me today is measurements day).

I'm disappointed in myself.  7 weeks ago I intended to do so much more.  Each day comes along and I don't.  I feel like I'm going to look back when I'm 60 and not have done anything I wanted to... I'm very upset with myself.

This week I have an appointment with a CHT.  I'm excited b/c the last time I worked with a CHT I quit smoking.  This time, I want to get rid of my anxiety in all of my life and not care what others think of me and doing so should increase my focus and concentration as well as allow me to lose weight by enabling me to just do it.  Right now, I'm so paralyzed by fear in my own life that I don't do the things I should.

I'm going to cut my workouts down b/c I'm not getting anything done.  I'm going to ride a bike for 30 minutes and do the PUP.  I'm not going to worry about Cize right now - if I have the time during the day then I'll do Cize.

	27Jul15	17Aug15	23Aug15	6Sep15
weight	285	282	283	285
neck	16.25	16.25	16.5	16.25
chest	42.75	42	43	42
navel	50.75/49.25	47.5	47.5	47
waist
hips	51.5	51.75	51.5	51.5
thigh	29.75	28.75	29.25	29
caliper chest	38	38	38	40
caliper abs	44	42	42	38
caliper thigh	40	36	38	38

W6D3 - BABC

Well today was f'crazy.  I ate well.  I had a pop tart and 2 dr peppers.  I have immense cravings.  I am a sugar addict.  I don't want sugar to taste bad (if I go for hypnosis for it) - what I want is to just not crave it - oh and I had a quesadilla - which was more just a single burrito flour with cheese in it... so it's loosely qualified as a quesadilla.

I didn't sleep worth a shit last night - I have a sleep app called 'sleep cycle' which is wonderful and measures my sleep - I didn't sleep until almost 2:45 this morning.  I was so tired today and just didn't want to move.  I didn't want to exercise - I barely wanted to stay awake.  I promised Lucas that we'd go ride the southern greenway in springfield over by "my old house" - the last time we rode that greenway was about 6 years ago - he was sooo tiny.  I wanted to just not do it and then do it Friday sometime when they come over for the day.  I sucked it up and Lucas and I spent an hour riding that greenway.  I was happy with it and felt great about it.  I'm glad I did it.  I wish I'd still done the TRX workout for the day and cize... however, I'm not too disappointed - I'm ok that I didn't get them - I would've really liked to; in the future, I will be able to do them all without a problem and I'm ok with that.  The fact that I sucked it up and did what I needed to at the end is good.  Each time I workout means that's one more day closer to craving workouts and not craving sugar.

I did also put together some checklists for the weeks and the calendar.  So I can keep my pages down on my desk clipboard and be able to track my reps, sets, circuits, etc.

I'm tired and my butt hurts from riding so much.

W6D2 - BABC

Yesterday was good-sucked.  The day, overall, was great.  The day, workingout, was shit.

I've decided not to delay the workout today.  I'm heading down to ride the bike while doing my professional development (I can read and watch example videos while I ride).  At noon, I'm punching the TRX in the face.

30 min bike ride while reading about AngularJS - check
TRX Feelgood Full Body Workout - check
Cize - check

Today was an fn good day!  I am having a dr pepper to celebrate - I know, ironic.

I learned one thing from Cize - I can't dance; and to prove it I recorded the first 10 minutes... it was bad; so bad, in fact, that I started laughing during the workout.  Shaun-T makes it look easy; I make it look like it's hard.  The workout was enjoyable though - the time flew by.

I feel accomplished today.  I completed a lot of workout.  I ate very well.  I've already showered.

W6D1 - BABC

I had an extremely crappy week.  Below is a repost I wrote in a support group of friends.

"I got tired of having these old Army shorts and using regular tshirts to workout in. The shorts were a bit too small (read: nuthuggers) when they used to be regular shorts (you know, back when I was 200 pounds lol). And I've ruined a bunch of tshirts bc I've worked out in them.

I bought 8 pairs of bcg mesh shorts (3XL) and 5 bcg moisture wicking shirts (XL) that I love to workout in b/c they're comfortable. So, for the first time since Iraq I have dedicated workout clothes that fit correctly and I spent 78 bucks (that I barely had).

In other news, this week has sucked ass. I have managed to get one workout in and that was Monday morning. Monday afternoon I took a half day and drove Lucas to the other side of Tulsa for a BMX racing camp and drove back. Tuesday, I started a new project and was so exhausted I didn't even attempt a workout then went to BMX racing that night. Yesterday, I didn't get in my bike ride. I had changed into workout clothes and was adjusting my skates when I got a call that my dad broke his leg at the nursing home so I changed and rode down there another half day gone. I've not eaten how I wanted. I've not worked out the way I've wanted. This week has sucked. I'm getting ready to bake my skates (actually using a hair dryer) to make them fit a bit better. Then, I'm going downstairs for my scheduled workout.

This week, I've learned that I need to get all of my meals ready for the day either that day or the day before and make sure they're available so if I need to run off then I can still take them with me - they're pretty easy to do and don't need to be refrigerated so I have no excuses. I also need to make sure that if I can't do my workout as planned that I have a backup plan for a workout. For example, when Lucas was at the BMX camp on Monday I could've strung my TRX up to my car or something.

over the last 5 weeks, I have noticed that even riding the bike 30 minutes a day 5x a week has improved my brain function (not concentration, yet) - so my brain is more active than it was - not remembering more, nor concentration/focusing more, but very active."

	27Jul15	17Aug15	31Aug15
weight	285	282	287
neck	16.25	16.25	16.5
chest	42.75	42	42.25
navel	50.75/49.25	47.5	49.5/47.5
waist
hips	51.5	51.75	52
thigh	29.75	28.75	29.5
caliper chest	38	38	40
caliper abs	44	42	42-44
caliper thigh	40	36	40

My current weight has gone up - and I'm going to tell you it's for 1 reason and 1 reason only... I've not been eating correctly.  This last week I stuck to absolutely none of my times nor plans.  This week, I'm sticking to them all.

I recorded my first videos this morning.  One was me attempting a pull up; the second was a 15 min intro to what I'm doing and why.  I will have to store and catalog this footage so I can make sure to accomplish my goal.

Ok, today went ok - not great, just ok.  I managed to get in a ton of water today.  I ate the way I intended.  I got in my 1-5 minute workout every hour.  I had nothing left for my noon workouts and I didn't get in a bike ride.  I'm disappointed by those last three.  So it's 6pm - I've got 4 hours until I'm going to bed.  I got a ton of work done today so I have nothing left there.  That means that I can budget at least 1 hour for working out tonight - either jumping on a bike or the pull up program or whatever.  Let's see how it goes.

I did nothing.  I was wiped out.